Title: Emptiness
Pairing: Frank/Gerard
Author: blissful_sky
Rating: PG-13?
P.O.V: Gerard
Disclaimer: I don't own them, nor did this ever happen.
Summary: Gerard is trying to get away from the too painful reality, and when he gets back down to earth, everything is just a blur.
Warnings: Death.

A/N: This is for mcrnut who is the most amazing person I know, and who blackmailed me in to posting this. So blame her if you think you wasted your time on reading it. And I know it's not good, but it's kinda based on how I felt when I got the news that my best friend had died, and that's really hard to explain. (And sorry if there are any mistakes, English isn't my first language.)


Eyes shut close. I take a deep breath, throwing myself of the edge. I’m flying - flying far up in the clouds. I’m flying straight through them. I’m laughing. The clouds are tickling me. I’m flying down towards the ocean, watching for mermaids and yellow little fish. They smile at me, and I’m still dancing in the air, flying towards nothing at all.

I am not sitting by a hospital bed, watching my lover sleep heavily. No, not a chance. I’m in a foreign country. I can’t hear the monitors beeping at me. That is just a sound that makes no sense in my ears. All I can hear is music. I can see the music. I can feel it. A bird is flying next to me, singing along happily and comforting in to my ears.

I’m in a meadow. A place where anyone can believe that magic exists. Flowers are surrounding me. I’m here with cute little elves, and fairies. Unicorns are running around. Free. They run so fast. They’re jumping. They look so happy, and I want to join them. So I do, because I am not sitting in a cold white hospital room. No. I’m happy. I’m full of energy.

And I’m laughing. I’m laughing so hard it bring tears to my eyes. I’m laughing because it’s amazing. Right here; where the sun always shines, and the colors are so strong and beautiful. Here where even the flowers are singing and dancing along with everyone else, and here where the trees’ got smiling faces just like we do. They’re so comforting. Their smiles are warm, and everyone is just laughing. There’s no clock here telling us that we need to go to bed soon, or reminding us about something we need to do. Time is such a feeble object; something we don’t need. We’re not worried about anything here. No, we’re just living - just living.

I can see him now -in the meadow. He’s watching the unicorns as well. He’s smiling so hard it’s a miracle his jaw doesn’t hurt. Eye contact. He’s looking me straight in the eyes. His smile disappears. Now he’s running. He’s running toward me. Thump. He’s hugging me. Kissing me. He’s smiling again.

We lay ourselves down on the grass, surrounded by the astounding unicorns and little fairies. We can’t take our eyes of each other. Everything is perfect. This is how it’s supposed to be.

"I love you, Gerard," he whispers. The weak sound hit my ears at almost the same time as he touches my lips with his own. He didn’t need to tell me that. I already knew.

"I know," I say after the brief kiss is over. "And I love you too. I always will."

The darkness comes by before we know it, and then we’re finally able to look away from each other. I grab his hand, interlocking our fingers. We’re still smiling, looking up at the stars. They’re shining so bright and wonderful, and they’re looking right back down at us. It’s beautiful.

I need to close my eyes soon. I know that, but I don’t want to. I can’t. I just want to lay here beside Frank. My Frank. And be free with him; be happy. I just want to be here forever, and blow bubbles, watch the unicorns dance, and make love under the stairs all the time. But that’s not how it is. I need to close my eyes. I need to go back; back to the dreadful hospital with white walls, and the word “death” written all over. My eyelids are getting too heavy. They fall down.

I slowly open my eyes again.

"Beeeeeep." The sound hits my eardrums faster and harder than I can comprehend. Tears are streaming down my already red cheeks, and nurses are running in to the room. I’m being pushed aside. Why are they pushing me aside?

"WHAT’S HAPPENING?" I can hear myself scream, although it doesn’t sound like me at all. A nurse is trying to calm me down, but all I can hear and see is a blur and the way too loud sound of the monitor with the same beeping noise coming out of it. It’s not changing. I can hear a faint sound of doctors trying to change it. They are hitting my boyfriend’s chest over and over again. I can’t hear anymore. All I can hear is my heart pumping blood through my veins too fucking fast.

Suddenly I’m out in the hallway. It happened so fast I didn’t realize that the nurse who was desperately trying to calm me down had made me walk away. Walk away from Frank; made me leave him.

"I PROMISED HIM I WOULDN’T LEAVE! I PROMISED! WHY DID YOU MAKE ME LEAVE?" I scream at her so loud it hurt my own ears.

"I’m sorry," I hear her say. She has a weak voice, and it is the first time I can really hear what someone is saying to me.

"I’m so sorry Mr. Way. Frank is gone."

Everything went black. It’s so dark I can’t see. I can’t see the floor. I can’t see the walls. And all I can feel is emptiness. I’m not flying anymore. I was never flying. The colors are fading away from me. It’s so cold. I don’t want to be here anymore. Bring me back down to reality. Now. I’m screaming. I’m screaming and crying. I want to go home – go home to my warm bed. Go home to Frank’s warm hugs and lovable kisses. I don’t want to feel this way. It’s like the whole world are standing on my shoulders. The pressure is too big. It’s pressing me down towards the floor. Down towards nothing. It’s an eternal circle. I want to get out. I want to tear it down. But I don’t know where I should go. Frank is not here anymore. I want to go to Frank. But I can’t get out. I can’t get away. I’m chained. I can’t tear it down.

It’s so cold.